Change

This week, I did two things that both mark for me my transition into adulthood. After both I went "Weird, I never did that before" and then, "Oh, yeah, I'm a grown-up now! Huh." The first was that I sat through an ENTIRE church annual meeting. I listened, I voted, I didn't "eat and run", which is my usual M.O. The second happened tonight when I sat and watched an ENTIRE State of the Union Address. I listened, I laughed, I agreed and disagreed with things my president was saying.
The reality of the situation might just be that during both of these times, I really had nothing "better" to do, but in the end, I am glad that I sat through both, and I feel like they make me a better person, a better member of society and a better grown-up.
In another "grown-up" arena, Friday I go in to the hospital not as an employee, but as a patient...I am having a hernia repaired. It is supposed to be fairly simple surgery, but think happy thoughts please! I may not post for a while when I am recovering, but I'll get back to it as soon as I can!

Piece of Cake

So when I got to work today I found something interesting...the floor had basically EXPLODED since the last time I was there! We had all but 2 rooms full, which meant that each nurse started with 6 patients...plus their babies...so 12...that's a heavy load! By the end of my shift I discharged 2, but got 2 more! It was a super busy day, but I was pretty proud of myself. I don't think I forgot anything, I got basic things done, I bonded with all of my patients- and I wore my new contacts ALL DAY!!! Also, at our staff meeting on Thursday, my boss asked me to be a part of a special "customer service" team that would work on increasing patient satisfaction because I have had increased patient scores- Yay! I am super tired, but back at it tomorrow!

Lame

Sorry, folks, we interrupt your regularly scheduled program to talk about something slightly off topic. And by "off topic" I mean that it has nothing to do with health care or nursing, but rather, to do with my life...or lack thereof.
Once again, this isn't really easy for me to say this stuff in such a public forum, but this blog has become somewhat like therapy for me, so I feel a need to write this post.
Let's start by addressing the fact that it is 7:45 on a Saturday night, and I am sitting at home alone, writing on my blog...exhibit A.
I basically, have no life. I am not trying to be dramatic, or ungrateful, so please don't take it that way. I have a wonderful (albeit stressful at times) job that I LOVE. I have an adorable house to come home to. I have two loving parents who feed me and entertain me on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis. And I have lots of wonderful friends and family who support me and love me unconditionally all over the country. But despite all of these blessings, I have no life.
When am at work I am really on my game, in the spotlight, doing what I do best. As soon as I step off Carle property, it's like I stop existing. And it's not that it's so terrible to deal with, it's just that it's so not me! Once again, not to sound egotistical or...crazy- but I am used to having a serious social life! I have always had people. People to go out with, people to attend events with, people to sit around on the couch and do nothing with. Even during the last two years of nursing school, I had some really great friends to spend my time with. As some old lady on "Grey's Anatomy" said, "People keep you going, People are better than no people". With no people close, it's hard to keep going.
I've thought A LOT about ways to combat this problem. I tried the online dating thing- that was a spectacular failure-and I really gave the whole "you'll make friends at work" thing a long time to take effect...but not so much...I thought about taking a class of some sort (that has worked well for me meeting people in the past), but when my work schedule is different every single week, it's impossible to take any class that meets on a regular basis. So. What now?
The other issue is it's getting a little hard for me not to feel bitter. I try to be a "cup half full" sort of person, but lately it's getting really really hard. Exhibit B: as of the latest count, I have 6 weddings to attend in 2010. 6. That's one more than I can count on one hand. And it's only January. And two of these couples are significantly younger than I am. That's not depressing at all!
OK, that's it. I'm done whining. Therapy Session concluded. Thanks for listening! Love you all!

Scary

I had a moment this week that really freaked me out. I realize that we are all human, and we all make mistakes, but nurses have so much more riding on those mistakes! (I also don't really want to admit that I make mistakes in such a public forum, but I want to remember this...as if it isn't seared into my brain forEVER).
There is an antepartum patient who has been on our unit since November. She is 21. She has been pregnant 3 previous times and lost each one at various stages. She is now at 30 weeks, which is the furthest into a pregnancy she has ever gotten. She mostly just hangs out on bed-rest, and we monitor her (and the baby) twice a day, at 9 and 9. I take care of her pretty often, and I know she is getting frustrated with being stuck in a hospital room for all these months. We have kind of become friends, and I joke around with her often to try and cheer her up. This week her cousin had a baby. She spent a lot of time in her cousin's room visiting, and the rest of the time in her room, feeling pretty bummed that her cousin get to go home and she had to stay. She is allowed a 5 minute walk per day, so she used it to go to her cousin's room and hang out. After hours there, I went and demanded that she go back to her room. When you are "buddy-buddy" with your patient, you don't get to be an authority figure, turns out. So after marching back to her room, she refused to speak to me for the rest of the day, and I'll admit, I didn't go in there nearly as often for the rest of the afternoon as I had in the morning.
About 10 minutes before my shift ended, a labor and delivery nurse called me to ask if I had taken care of this patient today. I said that I had, and she asked why I took the patient off the monitors one minute after the baby had a HUGE late decel (code for the baby reacted poorly to a contraction and might be in distress)...WHAT? She said I should go put her back on, or make whoever I give report to do it asap just to make sure he’s still alive (!!!!!) SO I freaked out, told the night nurse I was giving report to and long story and many phone calls made by me late at night to the unit later, he is FINE. Mostly I just felt stupid, but also panicked- this is her 4^th pregnancy, and she’s lost all the others. And this is the furthest she’s gotten, and it would just be so so so terrible if something I did (or missed) cost them his life. It was a HUGE mistake, and thank god everything is good now, but it could have easily gone the other way, and would have cost a baby his life, and me my job, and sanity, etc.
But I will NEVER make the mistake again, so that is the blessing. A true lesson was learned.

Good thoughts

"All labor that uplifts humanity and has dignity and importance should be undertaken with painstaking excellence"
~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Enjoy the day off everyone! And remember why you have the day off!

Oh BABY

Today was my first day alone in the nursery. Apparently (according to my co-workers), I just get initiation by FIRE on my first days. We had 5-- 5 new babies (all girls by the way) by 8am- including a c-section set of twins. 3 of the five needed labs drawn (meaning we had to poke them and draw blood) which must be done in the first hour of life (and sent to the lab before the blood clots). There were 3 circumcisions (which get done when the pediatrician is there from 7-10) that I needed to assist with. And I was supposed to do ALL of this BY. MYSELF. I tried my best not to panic, but I was very sweaty and about *this* close to having a stroke! Luckily when someone brought up a new baby they saw what I was dealing with, she went back told the charge nurse, and two minutes later she called the nursery. I think my answer went something like this "hinurserythisiskatiehowcanIhelpyou?!?" She said "Katie-take a deep breath. Now blow it out. I'm sending Melissa to help out. You're in charge. You can do this." So once I had some help, things went much more smoothly. Luckily, the doctor on call that day never shows up before 8:30 and 9 so he was not in a hurry to do the circumcisions, so we had time to get things under control before those started. Everyone was very nice, helpful, and encouraging, and by 11 am I felt back in control of the nursery. The rest of the day was a piece of cake. We didn't have any new babies and I had time to get some of the task stuff done.
I really am grateful for these crazy busy stressful days. I learn more in those few hours than I do in weeks of easy days. And then when the next crazy day comes, I can think "hey, remember how bad that first day was? This is way better than that!"
All I know is, I'm gonna sleep really really well tonight.

Ok, So I'm a Rock Star

Well, I'm sure you'll be glad to know that I am in my chosen profession for a reason after all, and that reason is: I'm AWESOME at it! It helped a lot that the 11 c-sections that happened on Wednesday all went home on Saturday. And I guess lot of the people that had delivered earlier in the week went home too, because the whole unit was calmer by Friday (the next time I worked). Friday I only had 4 patients, and I got to actually provide CARE, and be helpful to my coworkers, and get everything done, and not get yelled at by anyone. I left feeling pretty great. Saturday was even slower. By the end of the day, I only had 2 patients! It was a little silly really, we were all so bored, we cleaned the whole nurses station. I must have done some good nursing though, because I got a positive comment card (which comes with a gift card for a free coffee!) from one of my patients. The other couple I had on Saturday totally had "New Parent Syndrome", where they were really really excited to be parents, and really really freaked out! It always amuses me to see someone spaz about changing a diaper. They were also just nice people (I kind of wanted to be friends with them after they went home!)
Yesterday was another slow day, but good overall. I got to bond a bit with coworkers, and get to know my patients (which is always a plus).
Today I go flexed down. "Flexed Down" is what they call it when they call you and tell you not to come in because there aren't enough patients to justify your presence. While a day off may seem nice, this is actually annoying for two reasons:
1- No work=no Pay (we are hourly employees)
2- You are only flexed down for 4 hours at a time, so you have to remain "on call" for the rest of the day, wondering if you'll have to go in at some point.
The other reason today was annoying was that I didn't know I was flexed down until I got TO work and didn't see my name on the assignment board. They are only required to call you one hour in advance, and by then my phone was back on silent because I was headed to work...so I didn't get the message, and left Carle 10 minutes after parking my car, pretty annoyed. The good news is, the neighbor's dogs were quiet for once and let me take a 2 hour nap once I got back home. I did get to clean up a bit around the house, and discover that when my frozen kitchen pipes unfroze last week they must have had a crack, because when I did dishes today water started pouring out from under the sink. Oh this house!
I am on call all day tomorrow, but we'll see if I go in or not! This could be a LONG week...

UGH

So a week off is a long time. Please don't get me wrong, I was grateful to have time to just play with my favorite friends in the city, and time to just be with my sister. However, when you have a whole week, you get a little bored, and also, you get used to NOT working. So I knew going back would be a little difficult. Add in the fact that it was my first day on my own with no preceptor and it had potential to be downright challenging.
It exceeded it's potential, and I don't mean that in a good way.
The unit has been super super busy (like 11 c-sections in less than 24 hours busy). Normally, on someone's first day on their own the staff might go easy on them, giving them let's say, 3 patients instead of the usual 4 or 5. However, being as busy as we were, there was no "going easy" on this nurse. I started out with 5, and got two more (discharging one) during the shift. And of course, every single patient was either crazy, hemorrhaging, having uncontrolled pain, or, oh yeah, did I mention CRAZY?!
I cried more than once during the day, didn't get lunch until 3 pm, and only peed once. I went home exhausted and defeated. It just sucks knowing that you weren't a good nurse. I felt like a terrible nurse yesterday. And I know, everyone has bad days, but it is unfortunate that in my job not only can it be life and death, but these are moments that this family will remember for the rest of their lives. Moments that I am responsible for making wonderful and as easy as possible, which I definitely did not do yesterday. I guess I never realized how much I relied on my preceptor's help during these last few months. I was getting so anxious to be on my own and not really preparing myself for all that being independent means.
The good news is, there will never be another "first day" and it can only get easier from here on out. Right?
P.S. I got contacts on Monday, which my eyes still don't totally love, so that added to my irritation (and drug addict appearance) yesterday. I work Friday and Saturday. Wish me luck.