Uh Oh!

I have a new blog! Check it out here! I won't be posting on this one anymore, so don't bother visiting!

Crafting

Hi loyal blog readers, sorry it's been so long. but I do have a little update!
As some of you may know, unlike my mom and my sister, I am not really into crafts. I can do one or two individual projects, as long as they don't take very long and aren't too complicated. Well, being awake all night long has lead me to revisit my take on crafts. And, with my mom's more and more frequent requests that I remove remaining items from my old room at 508 Shurts, one of the things I have taken with me to Oregon Street is a huge box of old tee shirts. So, in attempt to cure some of my boredom, and to try my hand at being crafty, I am making a tee-shirt quilt! (or at least I am attempting to!) So far, I have cut out and backed 15 shirts. I am thinking the quilt will be 6x6, 7x7, or maybe 8x8? I can't decide if I want it to fit on any bed or if I just want it to be a random square size that would be good for picnics and covering up on the couch. Thoughts?
Here's a sneak peek at what I have so far:
Pretty Exciting, but I haven't attempted to actually sew anything yet, so we'll see!
In other news, Emily and I move in 22 days! Very exciting! Time to think about packing! Yuck!

She's a Night Owl...sort of...

Hi all, sorry for my hiatus! Unfortunately, I am writing to inform you of a possibly longer hiatus to come.
This past week I was switched to the night shift. This was not a surprise, but something I had not-so-secretly hoped I could just avoid. There was a group of about 7-8 of us that were all hired at the same time. We were all hired to work the night shift. But then, the week we started, they realized that if we all went to nights right off of orientation, then there wouldn't be anyone with actual experience working those shifts, and one of us would have to be in charge. Uh, no thanks! So they moved people more gradually, and I was lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you look at it) to get over 6 months on the day shift. But now it's time for me to move to nights. And so far it's pretty terrible. The work is still fabulous (although slightly more boring when all your patients are sleeping). It's the whole sleeping-during-the-hot-hot-day/always feeling like a zombie part that sucks. Remember all nighters in college, or sleepovers with your friends where you stayed up all night giggling and forgot to go to sleep? And remember how you felt the next day? Yeah. Try a week of that feeling straight. Yuck. And we recieved an email yesterday that informed us that the manager of OB Services (my department) is no longer employed at Carle. So I'm not sure what that will mean. Except that it will make for another potentially difficult transition period.
I am also grieving the loss of one of my very dear friends, Kimmy-Sue, as she too leaves C-U for greener pastures. It'll be pretty lonely around here until Em and I move in together in July. I've been listening to a lot of Foo Fighters and Rage Against the Machine (for those of you not in the know, that's code for ANGRY music)

So anyway, until I stop feeling like a crabby zombie, I'm going to avoid writing depressing posts. Hopefully, it will be sooner than I expect. Think happy thoughts!

A Life with Purpose

I'm going to apologize in advance if this seems ramble-y or hard to follow, but I'm tired.
Lately, I've been feeling a bit...lost. I feel like I need to figure out something to do with my life outside the walls of Carle Hospital.
I still LOVE LOVE LOVE my job. I am doing what I am made to do, what I'm meant to do, and my job has purpose. But when I leave work, it's like I'm just treading water until I get back to work again.
And the last week has me feeling pretty burnt out about work. Friday we had 13 deliveries. Add the two antepartums we admitted, and that's 15 new patients in one day. On top of the ~7-8 other patients. With three nurses. It was a really hard day. And Yesterday was more of the same. Except I was in the nursery instead of on the floor. And this week I have to work three days in a row so I can have the weekend off to travel to Missouri to see my little sister graduate from college (!!!) One exciting note about work- on Friday the nurse educator on our unit pulled me aside and asked if I would feel comfortable being a preceptor for the new nurses in the nursery. What this means basically, is that they want me to train the new nurses on how to be a nursery nurse. She said it kind of breaks a lot of rules to have someone so new teaching (acting as an expert in the field), but she already asked hospital education and the powers that be in our department, and they've all cleared it! It is a huge honor to be asked, and also means a bonus check for every new nurse that I precept! YAY!!! But ANYWAY...
So I need to find something outside of work that gives my life some purpose. Something the can rejuvenate me on my days off but also be more purposeful than sitting around on my beautiful couch and watching television non-stop. So I need an activity or hobby or something to entertain me. Any ideas?
Oh, P.S. My mom is always saying "you need a hobby!" Which I just admitted is true, however, I don't really "do" hobbies. 1-I don't have enough of an attention span to do something enough times that I could be good at it. And if I'm not good at it, then I have no motivation to keep doing it, so then I quit after one go. 2-(probably because of 1), they're expensive. Crafting supplies are surprisingly pricey! So I'm not sure what this really leaves me with. Bah Humbug!
To end on a happy note: This commercial has made me smile every time I've seen it in the last few days. Life should be full of more dance parties!

Movin on Up!

Hi all- BIG news!!! Emily and I have a house! Friday morning I signed the lease on our two-bedroom dream home on William Street in Champaign. Here it is:
So cute! And all updated on the inside, and lovely, and we are moving in this summer! Can't wait!!!
Work is...the same. Been working about the normal amount, nothing too crazy happening (that is, except for a patient that I had who was crazy-borderline personality disorder, and another who, because of a stroke three years ago was a little slow and deaf, requiring me to repeat everything eighteen times and shout). Thursday was a slow day until the last hour when a patient MASSIVELY hemorrhaged, an antepartum thought her water broke, and a night nurse didn't show up. Then we had a staff meeting, and it was 9:30 before I got home. That was a LONG day.
Friday I drove to Chicago and spent a delightful weekend in the city with Bethany and my friends. It was nice to get away for a bit, and also quite possibly the last opportunity in a long time. I found out last week that I am officially going to the night shift as of May 23rd. Not cool.
While in the city Bethany and I went to see this movie. It was a fabulous display of the amazing world we live in, and you should all go see it!
Also just finished this book, which was really great, but the "clock" is ticking a bit loud in my ear/uterus at the moment!
And lastly, a sneak peak at the inside of the house:
Look at all that cabinet space! And a DISHWASHER!!! YAY!!!

Bringin in the Chips...(or something more clever)

Well, for the last pay period (which I got paid for yesterday) I worked something crazy like 90 hours ( I normally work 72 per two weeks)!!! It included two on call days where I actually got called in, three weekend days, and being team leader for part of one of those days. This all added up to LOTS of mulah! $$$$ people!!! I'm trying to remember that I'm still paying off student loans. I was super super tired and cranky after all this work and desperately needed my two days off at the beginning of this week. Then I worked yesterday, worked on-call today until I begged them to let me leave at 4:30 after I discharged 3 of my four patients. And then I work tomorrow, but then I have the weekend to not be at work! Basically I've been in the nursery 2 out of the 3 days a week that I work, and I really love that. I will admit that 3/3 days or even 2 in a row can be a little much. I do prefer it over the postpartum ladies, only because I can be more in control in the nursery. (Not much a newborn can do to de-rail my well-planned out day). I had an antepartum today, and I like them a lot too--their days are very scheduled. Ok, fine, I'm a control-freak, type A...Good thing I'm a nurse!

And my new obsession: looks like a chip, crunches like a chip, secretly HEALTHY! (Delicious!!!)

Back with the Babies

Seattle was...FABULOUS. I think I am still processing, because I don't really know where to begin. On my flight out I ws seated by my soulmate, love-of-my-life, future husband, Ryan. It was refreshing (and exciting) to know that you can still have connections with random strangers, and it made my four hour flight go much quicker than it would have otherwise. We didn't exchange info, but that's ok, because since it's fate, we'll meet again! Wendy picked me up and we went out for dinner with her hubbie Anil. Saturday, we went to the Chateau Ste. Michelle winery and did some tasting. That night after dinner, we sat on a pier and enjoyed the beautiful water and weather. Sunday we got up early and went down to the market for breakfast and shopping, got some tattoos, and ate some delicious dinner. Monday, we took a random trip to Canada! We went to the Capilano Suspension Bridge north of Vancouver, in the rain, but it was a pretty good time! And then we went to some good outlet malls on the way home. Tuesday we got up early to drive me back to the airport, and I'm getting emotional just thinking about it now. I just had such a wonderful time, and I really think a move to Seattle is in my future!
Since being back, it's been a lot of baby time. I was in the nursery all 3 days last week! I guess that's a good thing, I think I'm in my zone there. Friday, I had three nursing students to help me. When they were getting ready to leave, one pulled me aside and said "I just wanted to tell you that we have to do these clinical journals, and I write about you in mine all the time. You are just such a joy to work with, and you teach us things, and you actually treat us like human beings, and I just really appreciate that" Then another one piped up and said "Yeah, I write about you too, and how working with you has been my best clinical experience to date!" It was just a really nice compliment.
I was lucky to get Easter Sunday off, so I got to spend some time in the beautiful weather with the fam.
This week we have had a really low census, and only 3-4 patients a piece. Monday we had only 6 patients and 2 nurses! It's so exciting when you can really get to know your patients! I was Team Leader again on Monday afternoon, but it was a piece of cake since we only had a few patients. I'm on call all day tomorrow, part of Friday, and work all weekend, so it's a lot of work (and $) for the next few days!

What's that you say? I'm awesome???

Ok, so just a quick post before Seattle, because today was worth writing about.
So First I get to work, and see that I have all 5 antepartum patients. Ok. Could be a lot, but they are all on very strict schedules, so that makes it easier, as long as none of them do anything crazy like, go into labor...so I go put my lunch away, clock in, and sit down at the nurses station to get report. Then, as I'm reviewing my patients on the board, I notice something strange: next to my name are the initials TL. As in Team Leader. As in I'm in charge. Of the whole unit. I kind of laughed until the night charge nurse said "nope, that's for real, you can handle it".
As TL you make room assignments (and nurse assignments) when new patients come up, make sure everyone gets lunch, do a whole list of checks and tasks in this "TL binder", and generally put out fires all day. I've never done it before and usually the most experienced nurse of the day does it. Not quite sure how I ended up with the gig. So I just smiled and said "Um...it's a lot of pressure, but okay...I'll do my best!" The "premium pay" you get for the added responsibility is enough incentive to try to be great at it! Then I get report and find out that one of my patients is dilated to 5cm, contracting every 3-4 minutes, and at 34 weeks. Um, what? Why ON EARTH is she up on our unit and not down on labor and delivery??? (yeah, I still don't know the answer to that question) But she made me very very nervous all day--I kept thinking that I was going to walk in and find a baby on the end of the bed...or in the toilet! (That happens a couple times a year!) Luckily she hung in there, just contracting away, all day.
I also had this hilarious moment: A patient puts on her call light. I go in the room to find the patient and her mother standing around the toilet.
Me: "Um, hey guys, what's going on?"
Patient:"My pee. It smells nasty. And it's dark."
Me : (I look in the toilet) "Um, looks pretty yellow to me..."
Patient's mother: But it looks oily on top"
Me: blank stare
Patient's mother:"It looks like chicken noodle soup, what's with that?"
Me: "um, I think it looks just fine, pregnancy and hormones do weird things to your body..."
Them: "ok, thanks".
Well, great, now I can never eat chicken noodle soup again. Thank YOU.

Oh, and the team leader thing? I was pretty great at it! Multiple coworkers came up and told me so afterward! Yay! Bring on the responsibility and money! WAHOO!!! On to Seattle!!! YAY!

ALL the babies!!!

So I was in the nursery Friday, Yesterday AND today!!! I don't know if they are trying to groom me into the new "nursery goddess" or what. I really like being in there, and I'm good at it (the doctors even say so!) but by the end of the day I must admit, I'm a little tired of the babies! And also, tired of standing all day, and a little claustrophobic...
Good thing I'm going to SEATTLE on Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to be spending time with my favorite friend from nursing school, Wendy, her hubby Anil, and their puppy Muddy! I am so looking forward to some play time, and some out-of-Illinois-time! Can't wait! See you when I get back!

Cha-cha-cha Changes...

Monday I turned 25. And the life analysis that takes place at a quarter century is not very encouraging. True, I am (basically) where I want to be professionally, and that is GREAT! But personally, not so much. So goals for the next few years (as I inch closer to--gulp--30)basically include finding a way to improve my personal life (aka get married and have a baby). Ha. My friend Paven had a party last night and it was pretty great. Fun to hang out with people my age!

Big News! I might have to be changing my blog's website soon! That's right folks, despite my HATRED for moving, sometimes when you are offered an amazing option, you just have to take it! Emily and I have decided, after careful consideration (on her part anyway, I was more impulsive with my decision) to live together!!! My lease here is up on July 31st, so come August, the Ward sisters will be reunited under the same roof again! I think it will be an adventure, and SO MUCH FUN!!! I have to admit though, since making the decision to look for a new place together, I feel some sadness about the idea of leaving my little house on Oregon St. I feel like this is really the place where I became an adult, and I decorated it, and made it my own, and the thought of doing it all over again is a little daunting, but Em and I are gonna have such a blast! Something to look forward to- I'm sure will both get some good blog posts from the whole thing.The rest of my life is, the same. Work is...work.
It's been pretty bipolar around the OB unit lately. Either we are totally full, every room in use and people waiting in the halls, OR we have so few patients that we have to send nurses home because there isn't enough happening to keep all of us busy. As someone put it, "It's either feast or famine around here". That kind of up and down is starting to get a little exhausting. I think the honeymoon stage just is over. I still totally love my job, don't get me wrong, but I am starting to let the little things get to me. I don't go into work anymore in the morning with any high expectations about how the day is going to go. If anything, based on the last month or so, I go into work in the morning assuming that the day is going to be challenging and hard, and then get pleasantly surprised when it goes otherwise. A positive change has occurred despite all the chaos: When things go wrong (which they are bound to with at least one patient a day if you have 6-7), I am finding myself more and more capable of fixing the problem. I no longer have internal panic attacks when a postpartum patient hemorrhages or an antepartum patient goes into labor. And I feel like the doctors and other staff really treat me with respect and expect the same out of me as they do from the nurses with 15+ years of experience.
Friday, two out of my 4 patients spoke exclusive Spanish. Yeah. I don't speak any Spanish. No bueno. And while I fumbled with the 10-15 words I do know, I found that when my mouth got all "accent-y" I just start spitting out random French words. So then I get all kinds of "this lady is LOCO" looks from the patients and their families. Saturday, I was in the nursery, and, because I'm slightly cursed, we had 4 new babies before 10 am, and two new babies between 6:30 and 7 pm. Oh, those babies. Good thing they're so darn cute! (Belle Kristin, 3 months)

"Yeah, I wondered about that..."

So yesterday at work, something amazing and hilarious happened! In my boss' words "never, in all my years, have I ever seen or heard of this!!!" So, here's what happened:
I discharged a patient yesterday morning, and stood at the nurses station as she was headed out. Her mom walked ahead of her, holding the car seat base and a couple clear plastic bags with personal items, the patient was pushed in a wheelchair with the baby in the car seat on her lap, and another transporter pushed a cart with the rest of her stuff behind her. We all smiled and waved when they left. About 20 minutes later, our housekeeper Anita came out of the patient's room pushing the lower part of one of our hospital cribs. They sort of look like this:
Except the one Anita was pushing was missing the top part- no plastic bucket, no mattress, no blankets covering the mattress--all of it--GONE! We went back in the room and searched high and low- in the cabinets, in the shower-it was not there! The patient took it, that much was clear, but I don't know HOW! We were all watching them leave, that bassinet is HUGE, where could they have put it?! We didn't see any giant duffel bags! I called the patient, and her cell phone was disconnected. So I called her house phone. Someone answered, then hung up. Hmm. Meanwhile, crazy news travels fast, so my coworkers from other units were coming up to see the mysterious "topless crib"! My boss even walked over to see it, and said, "well Katie, don't be wondering where your next paycheck is" (with a giant smile on her face). So next I called the transport team and asked if perhaps they remembered helping a patient load Carle property into her car? His response? "Yeah we did, can they not take those?" WHAT??? Of course they can't-- would you help them load a couch into their truck too? So then I wrote an incident report, and tried calling the patient again. This time she answers. Her: "yeah?" Me:"Hi ___, this is Katie, your nurse from Carle, about that crib and matress and any blankets you may have taken, you can't have those, those are Carle property and keeping them is theft." Her: "Oh, yeah, I wondered about that...ok, well my mom's coming back to Champaign now, I'll just have her bring it back." Me: "Ok, great. Thanks". And sure enough, about an hour later, it got dropped off at the front desk.
I mean WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!?!?!?
In other news, it's FINALLY spring on Oregon Street, and man am I happy! These little babies popped up out front today- Yay!

Oh wow

Yikes- it has really been a while! My bad! I went to visit Emily last weekend in Kirksville, which was lovely. Then I came back and had a dentist appointment (YUCK). Then it was back to work. Last week was, well...terrible. I don't know why this happened, but we just had so so so many babies being born! On Friday we did 9 c-sections and 5 other deliveries. I discharged 5 patients that morning, and had to take 4 brand new ones. And I don't know if it's because my 6-month work-iversary is coming up or what, but it seemed like I was putting out fires right and left and dealing with emergencies that have not happened to me ever. During the end of my shift Friday, I have 4 crises going at all at once. One patient was hemorrhaging, an antepartum patient was contracting, a new c-section had uncontrolled vomiting, a morphine pump was beeping for no reason, and one of my patient's boyfriends was being an abusive you-know-what. On top of all this, Thursday morning I came down with a cold and have felt pretty crappy since then.
By Friday night when I left work at 8:30 (an hour after my shift is supposed to end) I'll admit, I felt broken. It was just too many days in a row (Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday) of too much. I was exhausted (mentally, physically, and emotionally). So as I rode down in the elevator, fighting back tears, I called my charge nurse and asked for help. I told her that I know we aren't supposed to do this (there is a schedule and order and everything), but I really really needed a day in the nursery. She told me it was good of me to acknowledge that I needed a "mental health day" and she would see what she could do.
She obligied! I got to spend Saturday in the nursery, which while busy (we had three "border babies" , who's mothers had been discharged, so I was responsible for feedings, changings, and soothing) was a relief. And I had yesterday off. Thank God.
Today was much MUCH better. Even with a crisis that started at report! I was taking over care for an antepartum patient (32 weeks pregnant) who was hunched over in bed,, crying, having contractions every 2-3 minutes and rating them a 6/10 in pain...uh oh! My co-workers tell me that I handled it all well, so that was re-assuring. None of my interventions worked, so she ended up going down to labor and delivery to get more intense and drastic interventions. I discharged 2 more patients throughout the day, and ended with just two!!! And though I'm back tomorrow, I don't dread it! Yay!

Updates!

Oops...I've been a bad blogger...no updates since Valentines Day :( But- here's a good one, so hopefully it'll make up for my negligence!

Last week at work was a bit rough. It was just busy and hard. I had a challenging patient two out of the three days and went home each night feeling tense and stressed out about her situation. She is only 6 weeks pregnant and basically, puking her guts out. She has been hospitalized for over two weeks now and currently is on a medical floor receiving TPN (intravenous nutrition). It was just a bad situation all around: she didn't plan on getting pregnant, and now she's totally miserable. We maxed out all of the anti-emetic (code for: stop the puking) drugs, pain drugs, and were stuck. It's awful to have to say to your patient over and over again "I'm sorry, I've done everything we can do, we just have to wait it out". Not fun:( But this week has been much better!

Monday we discharged 11 patients, and by the end of the shift we had 5. 5 patients on the whole unit. On the average day I care for 5 patients by myself! It was a really nice easy way to start the week. However...these blissful moments can only last for so long. By yesterday at the end of the shift, we had: get ready: 21 patients!!! That means (including our 4 antepartum patients and 1 postpartum infection) 15 people delivered babies in the 24 hours from Monday night til Tuesday night!!! CRAZY!!! And there is all this stuff that has to happen in the first 12-24 hours of life that had us all running around like chickens with our heads cut off!
I was super tired by the end of the day yesterday, and more than ready for our weekly dinner and LOST viewing night with my new dear friends Kim and Paven. That's right folks, I HAVE FRIENDS!!! They are lovely ladies and we had a great night (and morning this morning!)
Then, later this morning I went to get my hair cut and roots taken care of, and next thing I know, I'm walking out a blond! The highlights were slightly brighter than I anticipated...But I think I like it...What do you think? (ignore my "tired eyes")

Bad A_ _ Nursery Nurse

Happy Valentines Day!!! So this weekend (both days) I was the nursery nurse. As it would turn out, after that first crazy time, I'm pretty great at being the nursery nurse. And I love it! Yesterday I had a health care tech AND 3 nursing students in the morning to help with task-y stuff, like transporting babies to and from their rooms and giving baths, which was really helpful. It gave me time to admit the new babies and assist the MD with circumcisions. Plus, it's fun to teach the students what I know! Today was a little slower, but I didn't have any help, so I kept pretty busy. I got stuff done without feeling out of control and got extra things done for my co-workers too! And I get some nice compliments from them for it! One of my co-nurses said "Katie, man, you are a bad A_ _ nursery nurse!" One of the pediatricians asked me if I loved what I do, I said yes, and he said "I can tell. Don't ever lose that." And tonight when I was reporting off to the night nurse, she said "You are really good at giving report...and actually, I'm just impressed by you, you seem like you've been doing this for 30 years!". Can't hear that enough! It's really great to be respected as a peer now, and not just one of the "new girls". I'll sleep well tonight. There's something to be said for having a job where you get to cuddle babies. My soul feels happy!

Back in the Game

Ok, so I'm mostly recovered, although it still hurts on occasion when I forget that I just had surgery. The last 6 days were SUPER BORING. I am under a 10-15 pound lifting restriction for two weeks so I'm not allowed to be a nurse. Apparently, if a Mom fainted or something, I'm supposed to catch her...which would be bad for my newly repaired hernia. So instead, I get to sit at the desk outside of our unit, screening people for H1N1. Basically, I take temperatures and argue with people about the visitor policy. It's a good time. And by "good time" I mean, BORING time. I worked at 8-12 hours at the desk on Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. And Saturday I worked from 7 am to 11 pm. That's 16 hours people. It SUCKED. It has also been really hard because our unit has been crazy busy (I know, I always say that, but on Tuesday they did 6 c-sections before I left at 3...the average is 2-3) and I just had to sit there and watch my coworkers struggle without being able to help them. But, I should be glad that they let me work anyway, considering I haven't been working long enough to take extended time off. And, after serving (more than) my time at the desk, on Saturday I finally get to be a nurse again. YAY!!! Turns out I am really bad at sitting still when I'm not TRYING to be lazy.

OUCH

Ok, so I'm not sure how long this will be, I don't have tons of energy just yet, but can I just say- OUCH?! A hernia repair (despite how quick and delightful and laproscopic they describe it) is not fun, not easy, and not comfortable! You don't realize how you use those core, inguinal (meaning close to the crotch) muscles to do, oh yeah, EVERYTHING! There is not one move- not sitting in any position, as possibly still as you can without even breathing-where you aren't using those muscles in a hard core (ha-ha, get it? CORE?) way. It's terrible when you need assistance just to sit down on the toilet, and then to get back up again! Yuck! Everything went well, but they said it was a relatively small hole and a relatively LARGE hernia, so there was lot's of pushing to get it back in. Also, I look like I got punched in the mouth (apparently I am hard to intubate), so it was hard for me to swallow anything. And that was just the first day. By yesterday, the pain was more under control, I was starting to wean myself off of the narcotics, and starting to feel more human. Today, I even took a shower all by myself! The worst part now is that I am antsy to get back out and do stuff, but still too exhausted to really do anything of interest. I have yet to sleep through the night (hopefully that will happen tonight because I have only taken one nap today).
I'm not sure what this means for work in the next few weeks. I am technically under a lifting restriction for the next two weeks, which I guess means that I can't go back to my normal duties... My boss is trying to figure out what kind of light duty schedule they can get me on for now....
I can tell you that when I do go back, man, do I have some new perspectives to take with me! I hate to admit it, but I have not always thought nice things about moms after c-sections who aren't just jumping to get out of bed. I always thought, I know it's rough, but just do it- it'll be better when you do (which IS the truth). Now, I have WAY more sympathy for them! I mean, I only have three, minor incisions, not one HUGE one that goes through ALL of the layers! YOUCHERS! I am not sure my actions will change much (I'm always sweet and nuturing on the outside), but I will be thinking much kinder, gentler thoughts!

Change

This week, I did two things that both mark for me my transition into adulthood. After both I went "Weird, I never did that before" and then, "Oh, yeah, I'm a grown-up now! Huh." The first was that I sat through an ENTIRE church annual meeting. I listened, I voted, I didn't "eat and run", which is my usual M.O. The second happened tonight when I sat and watched an ENTIRE State of the Union Address. I listened, I laughed, I agreed and disagreed with things my president was saying.
The reality of the situation might just be that during both of these times, I really had nothing "better" to do, but in the end, I am glad that I sat through both, and I feel like they make me a better person, a better member of society and a better grown-up.
In another "grown-up" arena, Friday I go in to the hospital not as an employee, but as a patient...I am having a hernia repaired. It is supposed to be fairly simple surgery, but think happy thoughts please! I may not post for a while when I am recovering, but I'll get back to it as soon as I can!

Piece of Cake

So when I got to work today I found something interesting...the floor had basically EXPLODED since the last time I was there! We had all but 2 rooms full, which meant that each nurse started with 6 patients...plus their babies...so 12...that's a heavy load! By the end of my shift I discharged 2, but got 2 more! It was a super busy day, but I was pretty proud of myself. I don't think I forgot anything, I got basic things done, I bonded with all of my patients- and I wore my new contacts ALL DAY!!! Also, at our staff meeting on Thursday, my boss asked me to be a part of a special "customer service" team that would work on increasing patient satisfaction because I have had increased patient scores- Yay! I am super tired, but back at it tomorrow!

Lame

Sorry, folks, we interrupt your regularly scheduled program to talk about something slightly off topic. And by "off topic" I mean that it has nothing to do with health care or nursing, but rather, to do with my life...or lack thereof.
Once again, this isn't really easy for me to say this stuff in such a public forum, but this blog has become somewhat like therapy for me, so I feel a need to write this post.
Let's start by addressing the fact that it is 7:45 on a Saturday night, and I am sitting at home alone, writing on my blog...exhibit A.
I basically, have no life. I am not trying to be dramatic, or ungrateful, so please don't take it that way. I have a wonderful (albeit stressful at times) job that I LOVE. I have an adorable house to come home to. I have two loving parents who feed me and entertain me on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis. And I have lots of wonderful friends and family who support me and love me unconditionally all over the country. But despite all of these blessings, I have no life.
When am at work I am really on my game, in the spotlight, doing what I do best. As soon as I step off Carle property, it's like I stop existing. And it's not that it's so terrible to deal with, it's just that it's so not me! Once again, not to sound egotistical or...crazy- but I am used to having a serious social life! I have always had people. People to go out with, people to attend events with, people to sit around on the couch and do nothing with. Even during the last two years of nursing school, I had some really great friends to spend my time with. As some old lady on "Grey's Anatomy" said, "People keep you going, People are better than no people". With no people close, it's hard to keep going.
I've thought A LOT about ways to combat this problem. I tried the online dating thing- that was a spectacular failure-and I really gave the whole "you'll make friends at work" thing a long time to take effect...but not so much...I thought about taking a class of some sort (that has worked well for me meeting people in the past), but when my work schedule is different every single week, it's impossible to take any class that meets on a regular basis. So. What now?
The other issue is it's getting a little hard for me not to feel bitter. I try to be a "cup half full" sort of person, but lately it's getting really really hard. Exhibit B: as of the latest count, I have 6 weddings to attend in 2010. 6. That's one more than I can count on one hand. And it's only January. And two of these couples are significantly younger than I am. That's not depressing at all!
OK, that's it. I'm done whining. Therapy Session concluded. Thanks for listening! Love you all!

Scary

I had a moment this week that really freaked me out. I realize that we are all human, and we all make mistakes, but nurses have so much more riding on those mistakes! (I also don't really want to admit that I make mistakes in such a public forum, but I want to remember this...as if it isn't seared into my brain forEVER).
There is an antepartum patient who has been on our unit since November. She is 21. She has been pregnant 3 previous times and lost each one at various stages. She is now at 30 weeks, which is the furthest into a pregnancy she has ever gotten. She mostly just hangs out on bed-rest, and we monitor her (and the baby) twice a day, at 9 and 9. I take care of her pretty often, and I know she is getting frustrated with being stuck in a hospital room for all these months. We have kind of become friends, and I joke around with her often to try and cheer her up. This week her cousin had a baby. She spent a lot of time in her cousin's room visiting, and the rest of the time in her room, feeling pretty bummed that her cousin get to go home and she had to stay. She is allowed a 5 minute walk per day, so she used it to go to her cousin's room and hang out. After hours there, I went and demanded that she go back to her room. When you are "buddy-buddy" with your patient, you don't get to be an authority figure, turns out. So after marching back to her room, she refused to speak to me for the rest of the day, and I'll admit, I didn't go in there nearly as often for the rest of the afternoon as I had in the morning.
About 10 minutes before my shift ended, a labor and delivery nurse called me to ask if I had taken care of this patient today. I said that I had, and she asked why I took the patient off the monitors one minute after the baby had a HUGE late decel (code for the baby reacted poorly to a contraction and might be in distress)...WHAT? She said I should go put her back on, or make whoever I give report to do it asap just to make sure he’s still alive (!!!!!) SO I freaked out, told the night nurse I was giving report to and long story and many phone calls made by me late at night to the unit later, he is FINE. Mostly I just felt stupid, but also panicked- this is her 4^th pregnancy, and she’s lost all the others. And this is the furthest she’s gotten, and it would just be so so so terrible if something I did (or missed) cost them his life. It was a HUGE mistake, and thank god everything is good now, but it could have easily gone the other way, and would have cost a baby his life, and me my job, and sanity, etc.
But I will NEVER make the mistake again, so that is the blessing. A true lesson was learned.

Good thoughts

"All labor that uplifts humanity and has dignity and importance should be undertaken with painstaking excellence"
~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Enjoy the day off everyone! And remember why you have the day off!

Oh BABY

Today was my first day alone in the nursery. Apparently (according to my co-workers), I just get initiation by FIRE on my first days. We had 5-- 5 new babies (all girls by the way) by 8am- including a c-section set of twins. 3 of the five needed labs drawn (meaning we had to poke them and draw blood) which must be done in the first hour of life (and sent to the lab before the blood clots). There were 3 circumcisions (which get done when the pediatrician is there from 7-10) that I needed to assist with. And I was supposed to do ALL of this BY. MYSELF. I tried my best not to panic, but I was very sweaty and about *this* close to having a stroke! Luckily when someone brought up a new baby they saw what I was dealing with, she went back told the charge nurse, and two minutes later she called the nursery. I think my answer went something like this "hinurserythisiskatiehowcanIhelpyou?!?" She said "Katie-take a deep breath. Now blow it out. I'm sending Melissa to help out. You're in charge. You can do this." So once I had some help, things went much more smoothly. Luckily, the doctor on call that day never shows up before 8:30 and 9 so he was not in a hurry to do the circumcisions, so we had time to get things under control before those started. Everyone was very nice, helpful, and encouraging, and by 11 am I felt back in control of the nursery. The rest of the day was a piece of cake. We didn't have any new babies and I had time to get some of the task stuff done.
I really am grateful for these crazy busy stressful days. I learn more in those few hours than I do in weeks of easy days. And then when the next crazy day comes, I can think "hey, remember how bad that first day was? This is way better than that!"
All I know is, I'm gonna sleep really really well tonight.

Ok, So I'm a Rock Star

Well, I'm sure you'll be glad to know that I am in my chosen profession for a reason after all, and that reason is: I'm AWESOME at it! It helped a lot that the 11 c-sections that happened on Wednesday all went home on Saturday. And I guess lot of the people that had delivered earlier in the week went home too, because the whole unit was calmer by Friday (the next time I worked). Friday I only had 4 patients, and I got to actually provide CARE, and be helpful to my coworkers, and get everything done, and not get yelled at by anyone. I left feeling pretty great. Saturday was even slower. By the end of the day, I only had 2 patients! It was a little silly really, we were all so bored, we cleaned the whole nurses station. I must have done some good nursing though, because I got a positive comment card (which comes with a gift card for a free coffee!) from one of my patients. The other couple I had on Saturday totally had "New Parent Syndrome", where they were really really excited to be parents, and really really freaked out! It always amuses me to see someone spaz about changing a diaper. They were also just nice people (I kind of wanted to be friends with them after they went home!)
Yesterday was another slow day, but good overall. I got to bond a bit with coworkers, and get to know my patients (which is always a plus).
Today I go flexed down. "Flexed Down" is what they call it when they call you and tell you not to come in because there aren't enough patients to justify your presence. While a day off may seem nice, this is actually annoying for two reasons:
1- No work=no Pay (we are hourly employees)
2- You are only flexed down for 4 hours at a time, so you have to remain "on call" for the rest of the day, wondering if you'll have to go in at some point.
The other reason today was annoying was that I didn't know I was flexed down until I got TO work and didn't see my name on the assignment board. They are only required to call you one hour in advance, and by then my phone was back on silent because I was headed to work...so I didn't get the message, and left Carle 10 minutes after parking my car, pretty annoyed. The good news is, the neighbor's dogs were quiet for once and let me take a 2 hour nap once I got back home. I did get to clean up a bit around the house, and discover that when my frozen kitchen pipes unfroze last week they must have had a crack, because when I did dishes today water started pouring out from under the sink. Oh this house!
I am on call all day tomorrow, but we'll see if I go in or not! This could be a LONG week...

UGH

So a week off is a long time. Please don't get me wrong, I was grateful to have time to just play with my favorite friends in the city, and time to just be with my sister. However, when you have a whole week, you get a little bored, and also, you get used to NOT working. So I knew going back would be a little difficult. Add in the fact that it was my first day on my own with no preceptor and it had potential to be downright challenging.
It exceeded it's potential, and I don't mean that in a good way.
The unit has been super super busy (like 11 c-sections in less than 24 hours busy). Normally, on someone's first day on their own the staff might go easy on them, giving them let's say, 3 patients instead of the usual 4 or 5. However, being as busy as we were, there was no "going easy" on this nurse. I started out with 5, and got two more (discharging one) during the shift. And of course, every single patient was either crazy, hemorrhaging, having uncontrolled pain, or, oh yeah, did I mention CRAZY?!
I cried more than once during the day, didn't get lunch until 3 pm, and only peed once. I went home exhausted and defeated. It just sucks knowing that you weren't a good nurse. I felt like a terrible nurse yesterday. And I know, everyone has bad days, but it is unfortunate that in my job not only can it be life and death, but these are moments that this family will remember for the rest of their lives. Moments that I am responsible for making wonderful and as easy as possible, which I definitely did not do yesterday. I guess I never realized how much I relied on my preceptor's help during these last few months. I was getting so anxious to be on my own and not really preparing myself for all that being independent means.
The good news is, there will never be another "first day" and it can only get easier from here on out. Right?
P.S. I got contacts on Monday, which my eyes still don't totally love, so that added to my irritation (and drug addict appearance) yesterday. I work Friday and Saturday. Wish me luck.